So tonight I asked God to give me the heart of a servant. I was kind of scared to ask, because I'd heard to be careful what you wish for. But I did. Earlier today, in church, our preacher told us that our freedom in Christ would lead us to rescue others. I got out of his message that I need to serve people better. Because that's what love is.
If you know me, I'm fairly ego-centric. I like to buy clothes and get my hair done. This has been clashing with the pull in my heart to humble myself for God. When Saul was struck on the road to Tarsus, Jesus asked him if it was hard to "kick against the goads". An old-school reference to being stubborn against provocation by a god. Fairly often I feel compelled to do something, but I fight against it because I'm lazy and stubborn.
Last week I told my smallgroup that I'm in love with myself. And that this wasn't acceptable. I want to follow God, not Katie. Tonight I'm feeling such a strong pull toward changing that I started a blog. Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow and delete this, or maybe I'm about to start a journey that will change everything. Whatever happens, I'm definitely up for God to give me the heart of a servant. Even if it's the hardest thing I do. Cause right now, I'm not the person I'm supposed to be.