Sunday, November 7, 2010


Went to ccyc to do a skit for the middle schoolers. It was a lot of fun, despite all the bruises from the violence in the story, and when it was over I decided to stay until Sunday morning. I really like hanging out with the middle schoolers and talking to them. Even though I want to beat them sometimes, I really do love them. I remember middle school, and I wish I had a high schooler to come hang out with me and teach me about Jesus.
Also on my heart lately, a lot of stuff. Mainly, trying to close my mouth and have patience. Which doesn't come naturally. In school, kids are really selfish. I can't stand them. And I had a girl try and mouth off to me the other day! No ma'am. But anyways, I'm learning that if I focus on what's bad about them, I'll never see what Jesus does in them. Just like the girl at Rachel's Challenge said. "If you look for the bad in me, you'll find it, quickly. But if you look for the good, you'll find that too." So that girl who thinks she's got something to say to me? What's it matter. If I get angry, Satan wins. And I will do anything I can to make sure that he never wins me. So I'm being patient, and quiet. Which lets me watch and listen more. So we'll see where this goes.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Over the Week

Senior year is crazy. I've never ever been this busy. But through all the stuff I gotta do, there's a relationship with God to maintain.
The biggest help I get in this is from my church. which makes me really happy. Two years ago I was a stupid teen smoking pot. Now I have a supportive church.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hitting the High Road

I'm feeling better than I was last time I posted. More energized. More awake. More like there's a big bandwagon heading somewhere new, and I'm packing up my junk and getting on it.
We're reading the book Do Hard Things in small group.
Basically, two teen boys put Got at the center of their lives, and challenge the status quo that teens are good for texting and getting drunk. Things for Alex and Brett Harris explode after that. They get to do really hard things, and ecourage other teens to wake up.
I've been doing yoga lately, and it feels great. Before, I was tired and listless. Now I feel like I'm productive and up for something to happen. But, as we learn in the bible, I can't just wait for God to make me president of some big movement. It's up to me to Do Hard Things.
Obviously, I'm not a normal teen. I think too much for that. Ha. I made a funny. But seriously, I'm living my life for the glory of God. According to the book Almost Christian, 3/4 of American teens associate with a religion, and a good percentage of that go to church. But before I came to Christ's Church, I never knew what it meant to live for God. To let go of everything, physically and mentally, and take up a cross.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do for God, but I think I'd make a good speaker, or even a youth minister. Maybe it's cause I like to talk, but I've been told I'm good at public speaking. And how awesome would it be to go around and talk about God for your job? I'll have an agent to handle all the paperwork and scheduling, while I go pray with people, or talk to them about their lives.
I think I'm rambling, but that means I'm passionate about something, finally, which could lead to great things.
After all, as Brett and Alex show us, kids are a useful tool in God's kingdom.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I haven't blogged in a while.
I haven't been reading my bible, so maybe I just didn't want people to know I'm a slacker. If I wasn't able to read it, that'd be cool, but I just choose not to. I don't feel close to God.
A bunch of crappy stuff happened a month ago, and it kinda shook me. I don't deal with death or pain very often, so it's like an itchy shirt. I just wanna get rid of it as soon as possible.
I think it's also cause I started school. I feel like the girl I was becoming over the summer is fading into the background, replaced by a surprisingly productive and busy teenager. But devoid of a relationship with the Creator.
I'm around a lot more people, and that stresses me out. Who can I trust, who can I talk to about God? I have to have my guard up at school, cause all these little dirty sinners wanna separate me and God.
Not true, but it feels that way. I just don't trust kids my age. We don't know who we are. We let other people define us. I let God define me, which makes me pretty lonely in a school of over a thousand.
So yeah. I feel lonely and detached from God. And like I'm not gonna get any help from the other lonely kids around me.
Smallgroup is up again, which gives us a family to help. And I know as soon as I get into a good reading schedule I'll feel better, but I'm just low now.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Mrs. Jill

I knew Mrs. Jill. Not as well as most people at Christ's Church, but long enough for her to touch my heart.

I saw her last week. She looked past all her pain and inconveniences and asked me about myself. She wanted to know about me. She encouraged me and told me I encouraged her.

I saw her today. In bed, being treated by her family with tenderness. They knew it was near the end, and they focused all their attention on giving her water, keeping her warm, etc. In her bedroom I saw what in meant to love someone "in sickness or in health". Unconditionally.

She touched many people, from what I can see. She was beloved. Jill seemed to radiate light and made you want to be around her.

Even though I can't hold her hand, or kiss her cheek anymore, the warmth and love she gave me will stay with me always. I'll think of Mrs. Jill and see her in heaven with Jesus, shining like the sun.

Goodbye Mrs. Jill. I love you.

Monday, August 23, 2010

the fam

I hang out with my family regularly. Patrick and I live with my mom, While Mike and Chris live with my dad. This year, Chris and Patrick are away, leaving me with the drunken ECU pirate, Mike. I eat dinner with Dad and Mike usually. But it seems that every time I see them, my faith has to come up. It's an underlying issue that they won't overcome.

Yesterday morning in church, we read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. "Be joyful always; never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Chris told us to look for the joy in all situations. But today at dinner, my joy-seeking only seemed to highlight my family's pessimism and grouchiness. I don't understand why they can't be happy about anything. Nitpicking at strangers is an art to these people.

Jesus also tells us to wipe the dust from our feet when people are unresponsive. This is really hard though, because I want to belong with my family. They're in this bubble, and I'm on the outside. This is a terrible example of being joyful always, but it makes me really sad that we're so different. Your family is supposed to be your support system, but I'm up on a hirewire with no loving net beneath me. Only sniping and rolling eyes. They think I'm crazy and ignorant. They laugh at me.

So I have a family in Christ. In my church. It's not settling for second fiddle when I accept this form of family, but it feels like I am. Like I'm forced to go find a family, cause I'm not welcome in mine.

This was a lot of venting. But I really am so grateful to find acceptance in other Christians. It's just tough while I'm still under a hostile roof.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


Tonight, when I was Worshipfest, I started thinking about my brother's friend again. I've been strangely upset about it, since I haven't seen him in years. I'd forgotten he existed. Nevertheless, I was upset. Then tonight when I was worshiping, I got really angry. Zach shouldn't have died. If God loved me as much as I was proclaiming, why didn't He love Zach enough to save him from heroin and, I'm assuming, Hell. He knew Zach would go to Hell. He didn't care. This upset me a lot. Singing seemed pointless.
But I realized that it's my job to save people. Zach shouldn't have died, but I can keep other people from dying for the same reason.
I still haven't reconciled why God lets so many people go to Hell, but I know He loves us.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Holy Crap

My brother's friend died. He's 24. He overdosed. I'm not really sure what to think. Holy crap. I grew up with the guy.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Rapha House

I've been feeling a pull towards Rapha House lately. Not just them, but sex trade victims in general. I really want to do something to help.
I have this idea. A while back I wanted to make a t-shirt that said "Daughters of the King". Just for myself. But if I made a lot of them, and sold them to girls to remind them that they're God's children, I could give the money I earned to Rapha House. My mom would pay for the t-shirts and supplies. I don't know if she would be okay with that, but if I agreed to stop spending money on me I think it would be okay.
One thing I haven't figured out yet is a bible verse to put on the shirts. Something about being daughters of God. Does anyone know a good one?
Tomorrow at church I'll talk to Brent about this idea. He did the shirts for the ALS walk, and I'm hoping he can help me out. Wish me luck!

To learn more about Rapha House click here

Friday, August 13, 2010

My friend and I were hanging out the other day, and somehow the topic of Christianity/Buddhism came up. She thought mixing two religions into one was cool. I told her when they're mixed, they lose what makes up the original belief. Jesus is the truth, the way, and the light, and you can't get to Heaven any other way. How was that so hard for her to understand?
I'm a teenager, and we have this annoying apathy towards spirituality. Like it's an extra-curricular instead of a life-altering calling. I used to fell like that too. Church was cool to go to, if my friends showed up. But I got involved in my personal relationship with God, and it was awesome. I want to share this love, but it's hard when my mission field is a bunch of hormonal teens. God's love is an uncompromising, burning passion. I'm learning to share it with kids who've been to church all their lives and are bored with the concept. They're okay with mixing religions to match their beliefs. Editing the Bible. Not cool with me.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Baby steps

So I just went and talked to my neighbors about Jesus. Literally just now. I still have butterflies in my stomach.

On Saturday I thought God was telling me to make my neighbors some muffins. But I laid in bed all day cause it was more comfortable. Then today, I got up and had a plan. After heating some marshmallows and butter, then mixing with cereal, I had rice crispies. The people I had in mind are a very nice couple to our right with two college-age kids. We'd exchanged baked goods before, but never went past pleasantries.

So I had my treats ready. I wasn't quite sure how to go about it, so I called Kristi Cartwright, a dear friend. She told me there aren't step-by-step instructions. Just to let God talk through me. Then she prayed with me, and I was ready to go. I walked over and rang the doorbell. No answer. Okay, let's try the neighbors to the other side. No answer. I had forgotten that most adults are at work this time of day. So I looked around and saw a house a little bit down with cars in the driveway. I rang. A guy answered and let me in. He and his wife welcomed me and thanked me for the gift of rice crispy treats.

Then I asked, "Have you heard the good news of Jesus Christ?"
It felt more like a stammer, but there it was.
"Yes.", they replied, and asked what church I go to.
We talked a bit about school zones and jobs, then I went home. Now I'm here typing.

I know God tells us to go out and preach the Gospel, but it's nerve wracking sometimes. Today I learned that I can do it, however.
When armed with God (and delicious rice crispies), there's nothing too scary.

Saturday, July 31, 2010


Doing the dishes is something I'm looking forward to today. I like seeing the mess cleaned up. I hope it's not a phase!

Also, my dad found our ancient bread machine, and I'm super excited. No kneading or punching down. Just throw a bunch of stuff in and let it go to work! Next, I'm convincing my mom to buy me an electric mixer.

Friday, July 30, 2010

My mom

My mom is crazy. And I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me. This is what happens when liberal doctor meets conservative teen. And the fact that our personalities are so similar doesn't help. We're both stubborn, and think we know best. She's got fifty-some years of experience to back her up. I've got the Bible.
We fight alot, but sometimes we lay around and laugh about how different our opinions are. I could fill a book with the silly things she tells me. ("You're only dating one guy. But he's from another school. So find one at Rose too!") But since I started doing things around the house and being nice to her boyfriend, she's been alot less snide about me going to bible college. We're slowly coming to a truce.
The biggest thing we've argued over this week is her coming in my room to say good morning before work. Which is so. very. annoying. She does it every morning at 7am. And she has conversations with me cause she knows I hate it.
Well look out Mom, cause tomorrow morning my door's gonna be locked.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Little Things

Therese Martin was born in 1873, in France. The youngest of five sisters, she was the little princess. Spoiled to bits. Never did chores, and expected everything to be handed to her. Then, one day, when she was fourteen, her reign of terror ended. She changed into a docile teenager who wanted to be a nun. She went into a convent with some of her sisters and lived there until her death at the age of 24. While there, she struggled with her faith. Therese wanted to be a saint and do miracles, but she felt small and insignificant. So the short little nun dedicated herself to the little sacrifices in life. She never asked for anything, and submitted to everyone else. She ate whatever the nuns put in front of her. Which apparently led them to give her all the leftovers no one else would eat. Therese did all the chores she could find and helped out whenever she could. And she never complained.

I'm not catholic anymore, and I don't wanna be a nun. But I have to admire Therese's attitude. Her life was all about the little things. Modern day, for me, that means cleaning dishes whenever they're in the sink, buying my dad a Dean Martin cd, and trying to tell someone daily that they're awesome.
This is not to pat myself on the back. I don't always enjoy this stuff. For example, I hate having to feed my animals. It's nasty, and I'd rather let my mom do it. But I made a blog to keep up with myself, and this is what I've been doing.
So Therese has taught me to look for the little ways I can serve other people.

But that singing Reverend Mother from Sound of Music is still my favorite nun of all time.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Heart of a Servant

So tonight I asked God to give me the heart of a servant. I was kind of scared to ask, because I'd heard to be careful what you wish for. But I did. Earlier today, in church, our preacher told us that our freedom in Christ would lead us to rescue others. I got out of his message that I need to serve people better. Because that's what love is.
If you know me, I'm fairly ego-centric. I like to buy clothes and get my hair done. This has been clashing with the pull in my heart to humble myself for God. When Saul was struck on the road to Tarsus, Jesus asked him if it was hard to "kick against the goads". An old-school reference to being stubborn against provocation by a god. Fairly often I feel compelled to do something, but I fight against it because I'm lazy and stubborn.
Last week I told my smallgroup that I'm in love with myself. And that this wasn't acceptable. I want to follow God, not Katie. Tonight I'm feeling such a strong pull toward changing that I started a blog. Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow and delete this, or maybe I'm about to start a journey that will change everything. Whatever happens, I'm definitely up for God to give me the heart of a servant. Even if it's the hardest thing I do. Cause right now, I'm not the person I'm supposed to be.