I haven't blogged in a while.
I haven't been reading my bible, so maybe I just didn't want people to know I'm a slacker. If I wasn't able to read it, that'd be cool, but I just choose not to. I don't feel close to God.
A bunch of crappy stuff happened a month ago, and it kinda shook me. I don't deal with death or pain very often, so it's like an itchy shirt. I just wanna get rid of it as soon as possible.
I think it's also cause I started school. I feel like the girl I was becoming over the summer is fading into the background, replaced by a surprisingly productive and busy teenager. But devoid of a relationship with the Creator.
I'm around a lot more people, and that stresses me out. Who can I trust, who can I talk to about God? I have to have my guard up at school, cause all these little dirty sinners wanna separate me and God.
Not true, but it feels that way. I just don't trust kids my age. We don't know who we are. We let other people define us. I let God define me, which makes me pretty lonely in a school of over a thousand.
So yeah. I feel lonely and detached from God. And like I'm not gonna get any help from the other lonely kids around me.
Smallgroup is up again, which gives us a family to help. And I know as soon as I get into a good reading schedule I'll feel better, but I'm just low now.